Oct 27, 2012

Top Tips on How to Be Miserable



1. Chemical Reactions
Vitamin D is called the sunshine vitamin for a good reason. Avoid it. Stay in bed late for two reasons. Number one you'll feel guilty and lazy and the feeling will last all day (Unless you run a marathon which won't be possible unless you're fond of romantic jaunts by candlelight). Number two -assuming you're not a vampire (which you very well could be) lack of sunlight and fresh air are GUARANTEED to make you feel absolutely awful. Pay attention, this is my best tip in the article (I put this up front because I know your body-clock is fucked and your attention span is non-existent. Please read the writing in bold font if you get lost.)


2. Cross-contamination
Viva Scriva
Break down the barriers of compartmentalisation in all areas of your life -in fact don't have other areas. Draw a pie chart representing your life as you know it. Divide the circle proportionately to represent time and investment spent in each of the following areas: work associated with career, family, friends, socialising, hobbies, spirituality, exercise, holidays, earning money, survival, plans to clone yourself etc.

Yours should look like a circle with one area "career" and no divides -i.e there are no pieces of pie.

3. Compartmentalize vs Mental Eyes. 
Stay on the computer all day. Look for work, or whatever -it's not important -misery can be achieved in a number of ways. The goal is to spend the entire day in an uncreative manner which will also earn no money or yield quantifiable results. To make this approach really work, make sure that you take no breaks (bring your crackers and left-overs to the desk). Work until it's dark (but this shouldn't be difficult -see point 1). Doze off to sleep with the computer on your lap.

4. Solitary Refinement
Try not to interact with anyone. If this approach is not working try make some cold calls to people that dislike you (preferably without reason); put yourself forward for roles that you are totally unsuited for (or wouldn't actually want if you really thought about it -just don't think.) -savour the injustice of it all.

5. Human Touch
Stay out of relationships unless they are with people who are depressed or think you are insane. Relationships with individuals who think they can cure your creativity are ideal however.


Sans Dosage
6. The Real Deal
Broke as the word suggests is not exactly a healthy or properly functioning state of being. You'll be happy to know that as a creative, this state is not too difficult to acquire.  Here is a neuro linguistic programming/affirmation you can work on: "I am a creative therefore it is in my nature to be broke. Amen". If you like you can also add "I deserve the worst" For best results open your arms wide each morning while saying this.

7. Mission Statement
Try to do as little of the actual creative work as possible. This is very important. If you have to work, try to work on projects that you're not interested in - "Any Dream will do" as the song goes.


Career 201
8. Fulfillment
Rely on others for creative fulfillment

9. Determination
Be general and vague in your plans and how you're going to achieve them. Stick to that plan.

10. Epic Fail
Never EVER take a holiday;Van Gogh cut his ear off for fuck sake what do you think this is? Play-school? The positions for part-time misery are closed but if you'd like to leave us your CV we'll put it on file...

Copyright ©2013 The ahr-tis-tik mind.
Material belonging to The ahr-tis-tik mind can be shared via appropriate links to this site.

Related posts:
Getting Up From a Fall
Ten Things I Wish I'd known about Acting
Be not Obsessed

Oct 4, 2012

The Wheels on the Bus -The Perfect Film Location


Humble beginnings.
I started working on a project 'Katie and Jess do London' (working title) in April. As a first time film maker and director, the idea was to create something that I could film from home. And my little beds(h)it was perfect -so I thought- in particular the lighting, as there are so many windows and slatted blinds. Genius! A free ready-to-go lighting system! And I happily built my script concept around my set.

Then came the dry-run. I had an audition to record, and I realised there was a slight problem:
Scúp casting tape


http://www.flickr.com/photos/wirewiping/2738492106/in/set-72157606575290244


So I got a mic, which didn't make matters much better. 

Single-glazed windows facing    =    Feck
busy London road

Trying to make me a million bucks fast I set about recording some new material with the aforementioned mic, demonstrating               

a range of accents which are totally fantabulous

Using the inner hallway of the building (in slightly gung ho fashion) which has no natural light and is shared with other inhabitants, the result was a traffic free sound with a slight echo, or "room sound". Which, loosely translated means: better than before but in no part of your imagination can it be passed off as a professional recording.

A contact on Facebook suggested I use a duvet to further improve the sound! So out to the hallway again we went -this time with 
a duvet over my head and my boyfriend recording everything on his handsome Samsung Galaxy III. This greatly reduced any atmospheric interference. We also discovered that removing the microphone completely resulted in much clearer recordings

Looking forward
Somehow the idea of filming in the hallway is slightly less appealing. Apart from obvious factors such as people needing to get in and out of their flats, (people are just so annoying...) setting up a backdrop and lighting that can be magicked away at the sound of a door opening, seems a step beyond enthusiastic...

The fact is that alternative options to filming from the controllable environ of my little shoebox leave me cold and uninspired. And to be 90% honest I would probably need a budget for that fancy "high falutin" thing that they call a "location". Which is why 'Katie and Jess do London' remains an idea and is not yet an actuality.

Quite unfortunately I haven't made me a million bucks with my sound recordings yet either -which is peculiar.

Copyright ©2013 The ahr-tis-tik mind.
Material belonging to The ahr-tis-tik mind can be shared via appropriate links to this site.